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Updated: Dec 31, 2019

It might be nothing, but hippy dippy (as Lily calls it). But I have found so much “coincidence” in this number since Scott died. I can’t prove to you that this is God, the universe or my angels speaking to me, but I can’t deny what has happened. I didn’t even realize it was going to be 11/11 today until it was...and a funny thing happened last night.

Here is the truth, I am so sad. I am not okay. I feel incredibly guilty. I am irritable. I can’t stand life. I am tired. It all annoys me. Realistic Amy knows that I cannot go on like this forever. It isn’t fair to my children or myself. I know deep in my heart that I have a whole other life to live ahead of me. I just need to keep walking through the darkness to get to it.

Last night I received an email from @jadealectra Her words always speak to me. Cut right to my soul. This time though, I just scrolled to the bottom and saw her and @alliemichellel 's Edge Retreat. Without hesitation, my intuition said yes. This is what has to happen. It was almost like there wasn’t a choice in the matter. I know I need to take a chance on myself. I need to put myself back together again. I need to choose to live this life. It will be different. For now, it will be alone. It won’t look the way it did when Scott was here because that is how it has to be. I can’t move forward while living in the past. I can’t keep wishing the pain away. I can’t keep wishing for the story to have gone differently. I can’t keep replaying it. I am going to have to risk, to work, and to bet on me. So I will be in the jungle this summer doing the work to have a life that I love and deserve. ❤️

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